Don't Be a Bureaucrasshole.
Sometimes, as part of my daytime responsibilities, I have to conduct business with various agencies at various levels of government. Government offices are notoriously unorganized, inefficient, and slow. Sometimes it's the workers and the red tape, but sometimes it's the patrons.
It amazes me how many people have no idea how to handle business in these offices. Their lack of understanding means that everyone else has to wait longer. So, a task you have that may only require 20 minutes of actual work ends up taking 3 hours to complete.
DMV horror stories are done to death, so I won't give you any of mine. But, as a service to humanity, here are three tips that will help you keep Department of Revenue offices, Health Department offices, Game and Wildlife offices, and all of the others running smoothly for everyone involved.
1. Dammit, Take a Number
Do you have just a quick question? Great. Take a number and wait your turn. Were you here yesterday? Amazing. Take a number and wait your turn. Do you need to get back to work/home/random street corner? Great. Take a fucking number and wait your god damn turn (attempting to buy a smaller number is also acceptable).
These lines only move because the person with the lowest number gets served and gets out. No matter how quick your question is, it disrupts the flow. If 10 of you do this, it causes a traffic jam. So, pick a number and wait your turn.
2. Get Your Paperwork Together
You brought a ton of crap with you. Since you took a number, you have time to put it in whatever order helps you find information quickly when you're finally called. Waiting until you get to the window to make sure the 300 pages of random crap you brought all face the same direction is a jerk move.
Maybe take a look at the agency's website before you leave the house. Make a checklist of what you'll need. Then, if you're missing something, stay home. Don't be one of those assholes who say "I'll figure it out there." You're wasting everyone's time.
3. Don't Try To Bargain
That government worker you're going to complain about has no power whatsoever. He or she can not waive a penalty, make a rule exception, erase your tax balance, or comfort you about a dead pet. They can read you the rules involved in your transaction. They can take your paperwork. They can take your check.
Did they just tell you that you're missing a form? Sorry. Say goodbye. Go home and find it. Come back later.
Do you think that it's ridiculous that you can't finish your transaction because you're missing one form? No one cares. Say goodbye. Go home and find it. Come back later.
Do you think it's reasonable for the person across from you to make an exception in this case? No one cares. That person has no authority. That person has a flow chart and you're now at the part where you say goodbye, go home, and die.
Everyone waiting in this office wants one thing. They want all of the people in front of them to leave. If we all work together, we can keep these lines moving, save some tax dollars, and limit the number of spree killings that take place in government offices.
