Debating Creation

I spent my formative years attending a  charismatic (Pentecostal without the dress code) store front church. This was one of those churches that believes the Bible is the literal word of God.  

Except for the part about shrimp.  Or the part about wearing a cotton-poly blend.  But the part about gays is spot on. That and the six thousand year old age of the Earth were indisputable. The power of discernment, a power that lay in the sole possession of our minister, granted by communion with the holy spirit, allowed us to determine which parts of the were immutable laws of God, and which were simply a reflection of the cultures at the times the book was written.

Like many good Christian kids, I grew up to be a staunch atheist. It was a long process that I won't get into, since it's so similar to the story so many others tell. My own un-conversion may or may not have coincided with my first serious  sexual experience.

When Bill Nye announced that he would debate creation apologist Ken Ham on the merits of evolution over creationism, I was disappointed. I understand the urge to try and stop the war that fundamentalists wage against science education, but scientists have to eventually stop treating young Earth creationism as if it deserves the same consideration as actual science. After watching the debate I'm glad it happened. 

The debate itself changed no minds. But once under way, Nye seemed not to be talking to his opponent, but to young people watching.  

Religious parents are incredibly protective of their kids and the things those kids watch and read. Normally, these kids are sheltered from a non-religious world view as much as possible. But this debate was streamed into churches and homes as a sanctioned event. Nye took the opportunity to look at the camera and speak to these kids and let them know that even among the faithful, Creationist dogma is considered extreme. With their parents sitting next to them, Nye pointed and said, "These mother fuckers believe some crazy shit.''

That's always worth it. 

Side note: I visited the Creation Museum in Peters, KY in the summer of 2007. I thought it might be entertaining to mock the ridiculousness of my youth.  I've seen enough horror movies that I should have known better than to travel to the south to mock crazy people.  I should have just attacked mysef with a chainsaw and saved the gas. 

The museum starts off okay; there's a dinosaur with a saddle in the lobby. But the tour is designed so that once you enter, there's no easy way out. So you have to go through all of the exhibits in order, limited by the speed of the person in front of you.

 After the eighth time I heard parent tell a kid to remember what they were learning, so they could challenge their science teacher, the rage set in. By the time the tour ended, I wanted to burn the place down. I no longer get nostalgic for those days. 

Pro-Tip: How to conduct business with the government. (Day Job Stuff)

Nothing funny to report this past week.  But, it's tax season.  So I figured I could give a tip.

Don't Be a Bureaucrasshole.

Sometimes, as part of my daytime responsibilities, I have to conduct business with various agencies at various levels of government.  Government offices are notoriously unorganized, inefficient, and slow. Sometimes it's the workers and the red tape, but sometimes it's the patrons.

It amazes me how many people have no idea how to handle business in these offices. Their lack of understanding means that everyone else has to wait longer.  So, a task you have that may only require 20 minutes of actual work ends up taking 3 hours to complete.

DMV horror stories are done to death, so I won't give you any of mine.  But, as a service to humanity, here are three tips that will help you keep Department of Revenue offices, Health Department offices, Game and Wildlife offices, and all of the others running smoothly for everyone involved.

1. Dammit, Take a Number
Do you have just a quick question?  Great.  Take a number and wait your turn.  Were you here yesterday? Amazing.  Take a number and wait your turn. Do you need to get back to work/home/random street corner? Great.  Take a fucking number and wait your god damn turn (attempting to buy a smaller number is also acceptable).

These lines only move because the person with the lowest number gets served and gets out.  No matter how quick your question is, it disrupts the flow.  If 10 of you do this, it causes a traffic jam.  So, pick a number and wait your turn.

2.  Get Your  Paperwork Together
You brought a  ton of  crap with you.  Since you took a number, you have time to put it in whatever order helps you find information quickly when you're finally called.  Waiting until you get to the window to make sure the 300 pages of random crap you brought all face the same direction is a jerk move.

Maybe take a look at the agency's website before you leave the house.  Make a checklist of what you'll need.  Then, if you're missing something, stay home.  Don't be one of those assholes who say "I'll figure it out there."  You're wasting everyone's time.

3. Don't Try To Bargain
That government worker you're going to complain about has no power whatsoever.  He or she can not waive a penalty, make a rule exception, erase your tax balance, or comfort you about a dead pet.  They can read you the rules involved in your transaction.  They can take your paperwork.  They can take your check.

Did they just tell you that you're missing a form?  Sorry.  Say goodbye.  Go home and find it.  Come back later.

Do you think that it's ridiculous that you can't finish your transaction because you're missing one form?  No one cares.  Say goodbye.  Go home and find it.  Come back later.

Do you think it's reasonable for the person across from you to make an exception in this case? No one cares.  That person has no authority.  That person has a flow chart and you're now at the part where you say goodbye, go home, and die.

Everyone waiting in this office wants one thing.  They want all of the people in front of them to leave.  If we all work together, we can keep these lines moving, save some tax dollars, and limit the number of spree killings that take place in government offices.